I love you. You love jasper?

lalalalalalalalala all my holiday work not done. first day of term 3. nothing much happened. went to school and came back home after going lib. homework takes up a large portion of my daily worrying now.



descends down
the steely saucer
as you are lost forever
in the motion

a crack the world stands still
ooze through the tear
tear of dark
red let it unfold
gasp.

jammed a stopper
untimely end
abrupt and unjust
as the pain had not been relished
heart-stopper

the ups.
went downs.
as downs.
went ups.
prior symptoms
still bleeding through the seam

signs of stillness
the doubt unravels
is this for true?

i am encumbered with worry



this is the story of my rollercoaster

i never ended the ride
for i had not the knowledge
i had not the courage
i had not the hope








totally unrelated. but nvm. u know. i know.

"ear-kissing arguments" curan in king lear.

how can there be an argument when theres no contact.

silence just kills.

the heart is a hard thing to read.

A tired, sleepy jasper who cant do any homework.

anw at the playground near s11 last nite we were swinging ourselves round and round damn fast on the merrygoround thing until we died =)

am i disappointed with the attendance? of course. i know many of those who attended the full course are too.

the excuse that lmsc is a waste of time is completely untrue. u do learn useful things there. the updated drills, campcraft, + + + , and you get to have fun with ur squadmates. this is one of the rare chances we get to interact with the rest of the area schools.

first day. late and all the usual crap. falling in at the grandstand with 50% attendance. found out i was in the same squad as aaron, stanley and bing. good company. the the lectures before lunch by ho desmond was okay. uniform et. was boring cuz i read the same notes before for the np quiz. ho neville was funny haha. his english is good =) drills that day was quite interesting. movement was generally faster and sharper. even faster than drills at pa. hentak was fast and was fun to be challenged. ah then the station games. it was just pure fun. =) the teambuilding games were really fun. we should incorporate them into future trainings or camps. and squad 5 rocks k. well day 1 ended with us being relatively tired out and feeling pissed because of the attendance etc.

day 2. lectures were more boring. i asked a question but her answer then decided not to probe anymore. should just let everyone sleep rofl. the 2nd lecture was hilarious. but nvm i shall not state the reason. drill cycle 2 was marching + rifle. we learnt how to turn left and right in the middle of marching. the rifle was extremely heavy. and oily. it did not help that i had to use my weaker hand to handle it. damn. i couldnt even flick it up by 1cm >< but the session refreshed my rifle drills haha. some changes tho. i think in terms of drills we really should standardise with the rest of the area if there is no reason not to.

oo later campcraft. slack laidback sessions of knots and then lashings. MOI. hahaha. the campcraft jargon is useful if u bother to learn. and then pioneering competition!! we rock k. our CI underestimated us and thought we wouldnt finish but we did =p. we made a multipurpose thingy la. baby toy/clothes hanger/shoe and socks hanger/can dance limbo/can practice martial arts/for cooking outdoors/plus a flag pole for our breadtalk (squad name) flag! we saluted whenever it waved k. damn loyal to the group. =) after that SIT (situational innovative thinking) discussion. we had to present our solutions etc to a problem that we were given on the third day. my group's situation was a smoking cadet. so yea. after everything went for dinner at mos burger. dinner after np is always fun. oh 1 sad thing. 7 ppl who came for day 1 ponned day 2. 5 new ppl came and so attendance dropped 2.

day 3. 1 last lecture. boring. very. but nvm. then last drill cycle! and funnest! baton drills yeaaa baby. baton feels so familiar loh. like damn comfortable damn natural to hold it, march with it and do drills with it. due to PA ty. but yea. really. i think i prefer baton drills to footdrills =p its much easier and slackier anw. march only move one hand wad. but yea this drill session was the most fun. i came to see how MOI (method of instruction) can really be applied to great effect. its not a rigid stepbystep thing that everyone uses. theyre just guidelines meant to ensure everyone learns. and i think it is damn useful. when i compare to how we were taught in sec 1 and 2 im convinced that with MOI our drill standard now would definitely by not as bad. baton drills was fun cuz everyone was in a fun and serious mood. ok >< well when u listen and do wad is expected, you can have fun with CIs even though the activity is something as serious as a drill session. and even better, you can still learn something while having fun. the CI in charge of this drill session came to us after that and thanked us for one of the best and funnest drill sessions he ever had loh =) he said he enjoyed himself k. i came to see how the guidelines were really guidelines meant to guide an NCO's decision on the method of teaching drills so as to enhance the learning experience of the cadet. as long as you know ur stuff.

well after drills, we had revision at the canteen. as usual desmond and his tips haha. lunch was as usual. zhiyang cleverly told the CIs he couldnt eat the food and ci rebecca had to go to S11 to buy him congee. ><

the test was easy, good sleeping time. 45 min for 30 mcqs loh. then SIT presentations! fun stuff. ask questions that ppl cant answer! yay. when shayi went "its an oxymoron" ppl went waaaaaaaaa. siangyong (cathigh) told me wad i thought. some people tot shayi meant moron. hohoho. well zhiyang's presentation was in his usual style. dramadrama. then have to action. then have to say bgr not good cuz some ppl bodies not developed. rofl. with action somemore. >< sick loh. but the audience loved him rofl. well after that had boring graduation. but the pictures in the slideshow were nice to see. even with the grammar errors in it =p squad 5 had damn lot of pics loh. =)

after flaglowering and debrief, it was the last squad debrief. our CIs are damn nice. theyre good to us. they just rock. aikeng and johnathan. they gave us notebooks with our group's two motivational quotes pasted on it. if you wish to see the rainbow, you must first endure the rain. aikeng actually wrote paragraphs of comments on each and every one of our reflections loh. so good. they said they liked us =) we took pictures! yay. after the crying session we finally said goodbye reluctantly haha. squad 5 rocks!! yeayeaaaa. we got 2nd for the SIT presentation loh. lost by only 1 point! damn it. 2nd for the pioneering competition too loh with the same close margin! hmph. but nvm its not impt to win haha. squad 5 just rocks. ohyes! we have the only RI best male trainee in our group: aaron chee!! the rest of the groups (5 of them) were all cat high ppl lol. yea. so we rock la.

went s11 like late. because of the extended crying sessions haha. bubble tea and then playground! where we died. nvm.

k.

it was really disappointing to see people not come for the whole 3 day course. u noe serious it is when mr azman has to speak to mr teo. we had a whole stack of extra nco manuals after the course. wad kinda message u think the other schools are getting. we're too smart to go for the course? i bet the people there know much more about drills and campcraft than we do. u say ur tired? how about us. a few of us only slept for 30 min during the camp. and then 4-6 hours every day during the duration of the course. we reached home late and had to do reflections and other work for the course.

the excuse that the course is useless is even more pathetic. we are not that good. rinpcc is actually )@(%*)$^. im sure u can learn useful stuff there.

lmsc and npcc can be made fun only if u want it to be. 29 ppl for the camp. everyone was pleasantly surprised at the high attendance. we were actually going to improve and make things happen. the next day. it dropped to 15. in the morning of the first day, we were desperately waiting for more ppl to come. the next two days, we just gave up.

anw we really chose the dates of the camp. gerald already warned us and asked us more than once to reconsider. how do u refute that. when everyone was so sure and said okay its no problem.

we need a storming session for ourselves, badly.

Sec 1 NP Camp. slept for 30 min? ><

and kexin, why dun u ask mediacorp for the footage! =p

tmr til fri i hv a stupid np course. and so i wun be free to do my work noo.

i have nothing to say. hm i need to get my life back on track rofl

am i a jerk or what?

rofl. i just realised in ma last post, u can see ma grandma, spelling and sentence structure all go haywirey. but im NOT going to edit yay! yeaa man. cmon. SUCK IT IN. ALL MA ENGLAND GRANDMA !

Wow. okay. lots happened. i was rather frustrated and disappointed yesterday and today. many people couldnt go. and this morning. a few last minute say cannot. then was like alamak! then someone say ok ill go i was like wow yay and then a while later oh not going! like very fun like tt give me hope and then .

haha i woke up late. charmian came freaking early and was at hougang mrt at 10.15! we were supposed to meet at 11! like wow. i was like >< so she waited 45 min++ and syuhaida came punctually haha while i was a little late. lucky i stay 5 min away. hm so mrt all the way to bedok. syuhaida was felt sorta cheated i think =p i think i gave her the impression that many people were coming. yea but im also disappointed as well. haha then make her travel all the way so far also haha =p so we wanted to take 401 to east coast but the bus damn long also never come. hah i finally decided to be a gentleman and pay for a taxi. how nice of me. hoho

zhiquan was there on time. we reached at 12.15 tho. hmmm then tzehin came unexpectedly. he told me he had a class chalet. but yay he came =)) pleasant surprise. good. then came the funny part xD. he told us he saw kexin on the bus when he came. apparently kexin was asking the bus driver for directions etc then she alighted 3 stops short >< and he din approach her and he din stop her hohohohooo.. tt cost her 30 min of walking time! and a shot at stardom on national tv!! yay.

i called her u see. =) she told me she could see macs already. but she was WAITING. hoho. she was helping, being the kind soul she is, another person to watch her pet.! and i could hear the NOISES the pet was making. seemed rather loud LOL. then i was like UH. dog or cat? then she said its making WIERD NOISES. and she DIN KNOW wad it was. i was like OKAY. just come. put down the phone. a while later. she arrived and yay! she told us, u cant believe wad happened to me, i was on GOTCHA!! like OIMFOUGFH)(%*@#$)( we laughed until ppl next to us asked us to stop >< apparently the person told her it was a SPECIAL BREED. haha it turned out to be electronic yay. she suspected it was tho. the sounds sounded electronic. hahahaha and it was a furry thingy in a cage!! hoho. like "wave to my friends our there, in the green tent. ur on gotcha." kexin. =) then syuhaida left. her grandma was ill =(

okay. funny funny. we were mean to kexin and teasing her about this the whole day haha. well after that we talked at macs. we got out, wanting to go to the food centre to eat but decided that it was too far, so ate at macs -.- ate and talked. its fun to catch up with frens yay. and funny too hahahha. then bowling! 5 ppl two games for around 2 hours +. yep. the complex's air conditioning was uber cold. we were freezing man. aha pathetic bowling scores for everyone, as usual. except for tzehin. hm we were basically enjoying ourselves loh. fun fun. bowling is fun cuz u get to laugh at each other. haha. then vivian and malina came! yay. from cedar. walked all the way from parkway after bus haha. well we talked again. paid money. got out. walked. talked. walked to stone bench and stone and talk again haha. basically we had lots to say haha. bong finally arrived in a lessthanspectacular way. we took took pics. oh u can go to kexin for them yep. well kexin left. =( tzehin left =( went back to his chalet at pasir ris.

okay we played with the sand sea water and sky for a while. splash splash blah blah. extremely mild tho. they were. hoho. =p then yea oh i need to mention this. the YONGZHI episode before this. tho im not going to elab =p. well yongzhi came finally late when we were going to eat. so yea. in a taxi >< haha ate at some restaurant la. haha then talk and talk again. meixuan was mentioned and so we decided to go her house! yea.

we walked all the way past vjc etc. and then took 76 allll theee wayyy to serangoon! my old house leh. she living same block. 211. haha. it was rather awkward la. and the yongzhi play play go and joke and say he live in hougang study in raffles >< so mean. well meixuan has really changed a lot. and she really has missed many things that have happened in singapore. 3 years u know. tts a lot. her accent too. haha. okay so we go there chitchat then left. i gave her the contact list she still doesnt have internet yet. shes taking entrance exams for pres. high and zhonghua. hope she can make it to zhonghua.

yep sho we left. walk walk walk past the coffee shop and then char left to go home. walk walk walk mal left. haha.. walk walk walk allll theee wayyy to the prata shop near the petrol stations haha. its 2-3 bus stops la. ate supper there whee! and talked quite a lot too hahahaa until 11.25 like tt! yay then bongtingli the one who has fever saw a mouse and screamed. damn scary la her scream. like the whole neighbourhood can hear like tt >< "i not scared of anything except mouse k, cockroach where got scared"

hm yea the two gals (bong and vivian) crossed the road after we said our byes. then me and yong took was waiting for 136 loh. talked again =) then i alighted at hougang plaza there and walked quite a bit and reached home yea. around 12? yea.

so today was fun. even tho very few ppl came and it wasnt really a gathering but at least i could catch up with u guys =) its really nice to talk to you ppl again. its just, different i guess. more laidback and its those open conversations that are really enjoyable. oh yong is taller than malina, vivian and many other ppl now!! =)) tts a good thing haha.

hm i had fun. =) charmian, syuhaida, zhiquan, tzehin, kexin, malina, vivian, yongzhi u guys are great =) i really enjoy having supper and dinner out haha

yea we're going to meet up again next week even with my tight schedule but u guys have to accommodate me!! hohohoooo.. we'll make it either the night of any of the weekdays from wed to fri after my nco course. it'd be dinner then. or the last weekend which is actually meant for chionging of hw. well i think it'd be either wed or thurs. ill call u guys. =) funfunfun though we din do much actually today. was just talking but tts a really nice and rare thing that we should do more often.



yay













haha u know wad. i found one classmate from p1 and p2 class in ang mo kio north ps! aha p2 i shifted and transferred to zhonghua u see. haha shes zining! =) and like ytd i found many many photos of my old sch! its like impossible to find. some exstudent posted them! the sch is not gone. merged with 2 other schs to form anderson primary. yea. =) but nvm i hv one exclassmate! hoho






tmr need to go sch again. damn it. i was determined to finish the eng proposal tmr by forcing myself to do it =( now i think when im back from sch tmr ill be in the slack mode again!! oh no!

frustrating. so little people can come. the numbers are dwindling by the hour loh. now its 9 -.-

kexin said no matter how u organise, if ppl dun wanna go, it still wun work out. sigh

all those who would go if they can make it are not free.

meixuan may be back from the US alr. i think she is.

hm shanghui just left for japan. everyone's going japan. apparently many ppl are.

im doing the station games for my war games for binggy to put in the npcc sec1 camp proposal to be vetoed by the sec 4s to be submitted to mr teo. yea lame.

hmmmmmmmmmm shd i change my title to I <3 you. You <3 jasper? hoho. which is cuter

more ppl are tagging and visiting my blog yay! =) =p hahaa i just realised that the tagboard autocensors de loh. tts pro hahaa. tts like giving a hard punch to people like wan yin who has a unfortunate desire to insult me.. hoho. yay

and then i made this complicated and pro table in excel to chart whos going / not going to the gathering with tel. nos. reasons and various figures and percentages too haha. im extra. but it helps a lot. and like currently 29.41176471% of people contacted are going loh!!! tts bad and sad. its sad tt we started to organise this too late. we wanted to place it on sat. but a few couldnt make it. so moved to tues a weekday. but apparently now its worse. well many many people are overseas now. 12.5% are overseas. yea. tts another sad thing. and people have CCA, classes and even their own class gatherings too. haha. haha nvm wun give up. can just have this gathering first and then another one in sept which we'll plan much earlier beforehand and inform everyone much earlier after i get everyone's numbers much earlier haha. its like i don't have any tel. number of 17% of the class! wow. haha and so many ppl changed their phone numbers too.

hm the whole house is asleep. i talked to my youngest sister on the phone liao =) shes in shanghai enjoying herself lots and i feel happy for her yay. cant wait for 60% of my family to come back home. haha percentages.

anw muah i <3 all of you! byebye!

hi i woke at 4pm and im loving it boo. i slept at 6 even when i switched the comp off at 3. how smart of me. hoho watched a little of golf. pga tour live k!! >< and then read the newspaper lol. im a rock. i prefer pebbles hm smoother. so i wasted a day of my life. its actually quite sad. maybe ill think of how i wasted my youth off in the future and be damn sad. tt will be really sad =(( i thinks this june hols isnt tt great. and tts sad since i waitteddd so long of it. i feel cheated boohoo

and do we actually realise that we're going through the most formative years of our lives right now. anything that happens will be influencing our future selves. tts like scary. cuz every decision is so important. like i always wonder what would have happened if i chose to enter gep at p3. but again we should dwell on the past too much. since the present is so full of worrying issues alr

i just ate my lunch hoho. at 4.33 =)

yeaa 3am =(

hm i think crying is a nice thing. tears should be treasured. yet i dun like being sad..

hmm i think the hw issue is quite cham. i need to start. soon. immediately. bah. haha its golf on tv now ><>>> tada. please tag when u visit! haha. but few noe abt this blog anw haha. and no one visits...

oh i received an email 2+ just now from jason haha. its like at this hour hes awake but not on msn. hmm work? >< maybe playing hahaa.. we need to make the np shirt more trendier!! yea. hahaa.. oh i want a wacom! someone please buy one for my birthday. and a new camera too if u can haha

anw tues's gathering no more bbq just go there play play wdv. haha we are lazy people =) i mean like if im organising this partly wad do you expect ah =p ah it was interesting coming up with the list of links cuz i visited many blogs i don't usually do.. like all the ex-zps ppl. reading all the blogs was interesting haha. everyone has his/her own busy life now.

yes another thing. my room is in a mess now. i need one day to tidy things up >< and one more day to ask jonyee to come my house to fix my com in the room. bah im either using the com in the office or the laptop to use the internet now..

oh i think i shd go sleep haha.. im like damaging my body. sad sad..

AH yes. i wanna talk about sth else first. im left-handed!! yay. its funny how i have only recently started to actually realise being left-handed makes me quite different from other people. is it a good or bad thing i have no idea. hoho funny: shayi and i were at kfc and we were like a mirror image (the arrangement of drink/burger/fries/hands) . yea it was funny. im rarely reminded by the fact that im left-handed. tts a good thing right. haha i had a teacher who was ambidex... wdv the spelling. yea tts quite pro. but the thing is. being left-handed means i am actually QUITE different since it affects the brain so im really interested on what research and information there is about this. i need to go read up. left brain right brain nonsense =) its quite freaky. the human brain oooooo hohoho

okay.. goodnight! "sleep tight! dun let the bed bugs bite!" =p royce

hoho i just came home. we (yonghan, shanghui + me) were smart today.. walking around the kallang area.. hoho.. anw we met up with seth and yijing at the indoor stadium after lunch at macs to watch pck the musical. went in late.. missed 5-10 min of it =(

well the musical was okay. decent.. but some of them were singing too softly. articulation was bad too. u cant make out wad they say. but it was okay. tan kheng hua was quite pro. her scandalous songs hahaa. she acted as clover in wild rice's animal farm if you ppl rmb.

the resolution for the conflict in the plot was extremely unexpected. it was the usual oh good guy saves bad guy's life even tho bad guy was bad to good guy and so bad guy is touched and makes up with good guy ><

the songs were okaay. they were singalongable haha. If I Have You.. yay u can go http://www.pckmusical.com/The_Story/music.html to listen to that song and Kenna Conned. i have no benchmark to compare la. since i haven watched many musicals.. esp Singaporean ones..

yea after that went to kfc for dinner. drinks were refillable =) this is bad two meals at fast food restaurants in a day. unhealthy. haha then long walk and mrt, then bus home loh..

well my week ahead is actually quite packed so i have no idea how im going to finish my work loh. i'm going to have a gathering for my p6 class on tues at east coast most prob. wed meeting up for lit dramatisation proj.. King Lear still =( cant we move on. im sick of him alr loh. then thurs there is the prelim round for NP shooting comp at police academy. fri theres a meeting for the sec1 NP camp we're organising. sigh. if i take it that i won't do work when i return home. i have sun, mon, sat, sun and the next sat and sun to do my work because i have camps during the weekdays >< that's 5 days. wow. and i slacked my ass off for the whole of this week. how clever.

why do our lives have to revolve around workkkk. its a very bad idea.

oh yea my camera isnt with me cuz my mother and sisters are using it in shanghai so i cant take pics during gathering! oh no. =(

hm and im supposed to read macbeth for a lit assignment too. i forgot. yay

argh this is bad i cant believe half of my hols is gone alr.

oh and tshirt design for np. i dun think im pro enough in photoshop to produce what i want for the shirt. =(

byebye

two entries in a day.. hoho. so many firsts

anw back to the 'overall impression' thingy. since symbolic images are said to be more powerful and touching. i dunno i find confessional poetry powerful. u dun understand everything that is said but u still feel tt raw emotion exuding from the words. tts powerful. running repetition of similar ideas and images.





the bear takes a little walk
down Hougang Central

his wasted time a holiday from
teddy bear

the clock the duck the realisation
hatred

strangled fowl steals heart of bear
i couldn't believe my tongue
i couldn't believe my nose

the crime the holiday produced
tantamount to
seeping bear's
blood

the hands that yearn in pain
wish to strangle` keep me sane`
kick the duck` scrap the friends
stretch them thin like a rubber band

evil rear evil rear evil
unhand clean blood civil

i take the pledge
my claw are Wolverine
sharp and blunt they scrap
the inside out my sin

the bear's holiday expired
my wound inspired

too late too late he says
i wish him head? i wish him not
what what my duty fails
image of cot
i see nothing

Nothing will come out of nothing!
I'm lost
frightened
desperate
helpless
in need of my teddy bear......

11/3/05










boo. comments

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im revisiting this blog now thanks to mr. royce lee aka gayboi2 rofl yepyepyep =)

lots of things happening in my life cant possibly chronicle 14 years of my life in one post yea.

currently reading up on semiotics for english proposal and it's been really enlightening. really. its like it links everything that i understand of this world together. yea. but the books are confusing too haha. there isnt any one established version of semiotic theory.

ohoh i think using a laptop is quite cool aha i only realised the true benefits of its portability.

well i wanna start reading cuz its good for me haha but i just cant seem to start. i need to get over my bad habit of procrastinating too =(

oh yesh. i like dreaming! dreams are fun, they are nice they are just so revealing. aha not along the path of predicting-future-from-dream kinda thing tho ive been dubbed JLD4 (=p), but just indicative of oneself. the human mind is so fascinating. how we extract meaning with our code systems is just awesome. its so.. interesting. how a baby achieves semiotic competence by engaging in symbolic play before the more complex forms of sign systems. bah bah all the chim stuff but its fun yay

i think the visual aspect of our sensory inputs is becoming a more dominant source of information in this age and im starting to explore this. people are just taking things at surface value too often and to get their attention now, more drastic visuals. well its not just visual. its interesting how a "sixth sense", intuition or vibes one derives from a work be so influential in one's impression of it. the overall impression. it's takes a lot of work to achieve one that is desired.

maybe its all because people can't be bothered now to take a look at the details and spend time to ponder over what's in front of them. the constant bombardment of information from multiple sources is one of the reasons i guess. so instead of complaining of this phenomenon why don't we just embrace it.

maybe not every one word in a poem was placed there for a reason. maybe the words dun even have to be connected to each other. but then will another person take what u have designated as something which meant something special to u to mean what u meant? differing code systems bound to clash when anyone attempts to convey merely a broad general impression. theres no safety net to fall back on. ok nvm ill stop i dunno whether im talking sense

oh did i mention i like my dreams? =) they have meaning. and i treasure that.